If You Want More Bad Clients, the Internet is Great

June 7, 2012

“We’re lawyers. No, seriously… we really are lawyers.”

“Hey Jordan, it’s Leo…”
“What’s up?”
“We have new clients coming in on Friday evening, but something just came up and now I’m double booked. Any chance you could meet with them for the intake?”
“Ugh, on a Friday night? I wanted to spend time with my wife.”
“Suck it up you weenie. I’m not thrilled about having to go to this speaking event on a Friday night. This is the only time they said they’re available.”
“Fine…”

[Friday Evening]

“Hey Leo, it’s Jordan…”
“What’s up?”
“I’ve been waiting for these new clients to show up for about an hour. I guess they’re a no show…?”
“Ah, that sucks.”
“Where did these new clients find us anyway? Wait, let me guess…”
“Yep. Through the internet.”
“Figures. You know that this is the second potential client this week who found us through the internet and wasted a lot of my time, right?”
“Your time is worthless so who cares?”
“True…”

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Joseph Rakofsky in His Own Words: A Stunningly Sad Mix of Vanity, Hubris, Bad Judgment, and Irony

May 24, 2012

Alright, Joseph Rakofsky’s latest papers are out. I actually read them, so you owe me a beer. (They can be found in their entirety here).

If you don’t know the story, Joseph Rakofsky was admitted to practice on April 29, 2010 in New Jersey. On May 3, 2010, he claims he was approached by Dontrell Deaner’s family to defend him in a murder case. (say what? April 29, 2010 was a Friday Thursday. May 3, 2010 was a Monday. That means Rakofsky got licensed and somehow in four days was approached to handle a murder trial.)

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The Fishtown Lawyers Have a New Logo: Some Love for Beth Blinebury Design (Just Don’t Tell Scott Greenfield)

April 20, 2012

Is Scott Greenfield around? No? Are you sure?

Alright, just so we’re clear, you’re ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that Greenfield’s not around, right…?

[looks around] Okay, no Greenfield… so I guess I’m cool to tell you this…

The Fishtown Lawyers have a new, updated logo. I’m unveiling such an important event here on Philly Law Blog:

It's got a trolley and some stars... holla!

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Crystal Cox: Is Philly Law Blog Part of a Big Awesome Media Conspiracy, Along With AbovetheLaw and Nickelback fans? I Sure Hope So!

April 5, 2012

Chickity China the Chinese chicken, you have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin', watchin' X-Files with no lights on, we're dans la maison, I hope the Smoking Man's in this one.

Growing up, my favorite show was the X-Files. You could never tell if Fox Mulder was off his rocker, or whether the whole thing was part of a big alien conspiracy. And the Smoking Man was pretty cool.

I still like shows on the History Channel about Nostradamus, the Mayan Calendar, and the Illuminati and that sort of thing. Hell, I’ve even read the DaVinci Code. The conspiracy theory stuff is always fun and interesting.

Today, as an unabashed Nickelback fan, I’m hoping to become part of the vast conspiracy.

Now, I know you’re saying “There’s no such thing as a Nickelback fan!”

But shouldn’t the question be asked?

Are Nickelback fans trying to silence Crystal Cox on behalf of big media?

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The Evolution of Crystal Cox: Anatomy of a Scammer

April 3, 2012

"Does anyone out there want me to write defamatory stuff about them and then buy my reputation management services to remove it? YOU CAN PAY ME IN STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE!"

Today I’m here to shine a little sunlight and tell you the entire story of Obsidian v. Cox, the matter touted as “bloggers aren’t journalists.”

Often, the truth is much stranger, and sicker, than fiction…

This is how Crystal Cox’s scam works generally: Cox calls herself an investigative blogger / journalist. She posts a bunch of negative stuff about you on the internet. Then she buys a bunch of domain names about you, your family, and your business to make sure all her posts are at the top of a Google search. But lucky for you, Cox also happens to be a “reputation management specialist.” Cox then offers to sell you “reputation management services” to clean it all up to the tune of $2500 a month.

As Carlos Miller aptly put it, Crystal Cox “is the cyber equivalent of the mob goons who firebomb your business, before demanding protection money.”

Not surprisingly, a court found this kind of behavior is not protected speech in Obsidian v. Cox.

You may remember that over the weekend I wrote a piece about Crystal Cox, when Cox went after Marc Randazza’s three year old daughter after offering to sell Randazza “reputation management” services which he declined.

Yes, you read that right – apparently Crystal Cox went after a three year old when Randazza wouldn’t buy reputation management services.

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Crystal Cox – Investigative Blogger? No, More Like A Scammer and Extortionist

March 30, 2012

Crystal Cox: “Pay me $2,500 a month and I won’t write false crap about you, call your wife a slut, and go after your 3 year old daughter on the internet! STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE!”

Imagine this…. you Google yourself. To your surprise, a whole bunch of stuff that is blatantly untrue comes up. Being an adult, you call the person who wrote it. This is how the conversation goes down:

“Did you write all that stuff on a website about me?”
“Yup. I’m an investigative blogger journalist!”
“Um, a bunch of the stuff you wrote about me is untrue. Actually all of it is.”
“Oh sure, I know. But I’m a journalist blogger so I can say whatever I want. First Amendment, bitch! But tell you what – I’m also reputation manager. If you pay me $2,500 a month, I’m sure a lot of that untrue stuff would go away.”
“Uhhhhhh… wait a second. You wrote a bunch of stuff that’s untrue about me. And now you’ll only take it down if I pay you?”
“Yup! And if you DON’T pay me it’s going to get worse! I’m going to buy a bunch of domain names that involve you and your family. Not only will I smear your reputation, but I’ll smear theirs, too! I’ll write all kinds of stuff, like call your wife a slut! I’ll even go after your four year old child!”
“That’s extortion!”
“No silly, it’s not extortion! It’s journalism! Investigative journalism!”

You’re probably saying to yourself “nah, that couldn’t happen. That’s illegal. A person could get in a lot of trouble for doing something so irresponsible and probably illegal.”

Too bad that’s exactly what Crystal Cox did. Twice now. Maybe more. Read the rest of this entry »


The Secret To How Lawyers Can Make Money Using Pintrest: Cats

March 2, 2012

My cat Simba, living the High Life

Step 1: Pin lots of sweet cat pictures

Step 2: ???????

Step 3: PROFIT! STRAIGHT CASH, HOMIE!

My wife will be so pleased.

Clover Cat looking for Klout (cheeseburgers are for losers)