“Prosecutorial Misconduct” Would Be a Good Name for a Metal Band.

November 29, 2014

LeoAbbathFor those of you who don’t know me (most of you), I am a big metal-head. I listen to the loudest, fastest, most aggressive, non-musical music you can probably imagine. Unless you are a kindred metal-head, you would probably what I find most of what I listen to non-musical and nigh-unlistenable.

Furthermore, I’ve been playing the guitar on-and-off since maybe 5th or 6th grade. More recently it’s been “off”, simply because I have been spending a lot of time at work doing work things.

Recent events have made me really angry and frustrated in a way that I cannot adequately express through words alone.

So I am happy to announce the birth of my one-man legally-themed extreme-metal band “Prosecutorial Misconduct”. (What’s scarier than that? Well, besides maybe “prosecutorial discretion”.)

For those of you who are lucky enough to be my “friends” on Facebook, you’ve been subject to my polluting your feeds with requests for legally-themed metal song ideas. Now I’m extending the invitation to the wider internet.

I plan to release an EP in 2015. No, I am not sure when. It’s probably going to sound like blackened thrash, a bit of crossover, maybe a tinge of death metal, a few elements of grind, and potentially some NWOBHM sprinkled in there. I am not great at lead guitar, to there probably aren’t going to be too many meedleys.

This is the guitar I will be playing on this album:

IMG_6136

Yes, this is my office.  No, those aren’t prints of 3/4 members of KISS. It’s Abbath, Dead, and Fenriz. Look them up.

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The Appointment, Part 2.

November 25, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-11-08 at 10.55.39 AM

[Ed.- This is part two of an ongoing series. For part one, click here.]

It was 10.11 am, and I was in the ante-room with my client, Barnaby Jones.

Mr Jones had been my client for all of 8 minutes now, and I had trial in a month, after his previous lawyer had sat on the case for four years. I’d just given him my spiel (e.g., I’m Leo, I’ve never been a prosecutor, I’ve always fought to the defense, I don’t treat my court-appointed clients any differently than my private pay clients, etc…).

Mr Jones was receptive to all this, and smiled as I shook his hand. I closed my elevator speech by taking out my business card.

“Mr Jones, take this. You and I have to talk. Soon. My office number is on the card, but here, let me write my cell on there…”

I don’t normally give my cell phone out to clients—for good reason. I’m not much a fan of getting calls at 10.30pm on a Saturday asking “So, what’s going on with my case?” (Answer: “Call me on Monday during business hours and I will let you know”.)

But with so little time to prepare, I had to get moving as soon as possible. I mean, we were scheduled for a jury in a month, I had literally no discovery, and I had three other courtrooms to be in that morning alone. The clock was ticking, and we needed to get started.

“Mr Jones, call my office when you get back home, and let’s schedule a time for you to come in this week to discuss your case. We don’t have a lot of time”.

He looked at me and nodded: “Yes, sir. But Mr Leo, it wasn’t me!” A familiar refrain for defense counsel.

“We’ll talk soon. Call me today”, I said as I walked out the door and down the hall to my next courtroom.

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Stop Snitching on Yourself.

November 14, 2014
My next cards are going to look like this.

My next cards are going to look like this.

There is a space on my potential client interview form that prompts me to ask my potential clients if they gave any statements to the police, whether on the scene where they’re arrested or back at the station.

I am considering removing it, because it is useless.

Invariably, when I first ask them this questions, 9/10 clients say “No, man, I know my rights”. Great! I love when my clients know their rights. It makes my job a lot easier.

Then I start talking with my clients about what happened when they got arrested, and that “No” becomes “well, I guess I said it wasn’t me”. Or “I told them I didn’t have any drugs on me because I wasn’t a dealer, I was a user”. Or, my favorite “Why are you arresting me? I didn’t shoot anyone!”. Or “I just wrote down everything that happened, and I apologized for taking all the money”.

Folks, I have four words for you: “Shut. The. Hell. Up.” Read the rest of this entry »


Brian Tannebaum’s ‘The Practice’ is the most important book since Jay Foonberg’s ‘How to Start and Grow a Law Practice’

November 9, 2014
the practice

I am super handsome

I remember when I graduated law school in 2008. I had just been hired at Foehl & Eyre as an associate, not really sure where this strange journey would take me. One afternoon, I got a call from my Uncle Jim, a successful commercial litigation attorney:

“Jordan, it’s your Uncle Jim.”
“What’s up?”
“Come to my office. I have something for you.”

I dropped by the office, and there was a package at the receptionist’s desk. A book called “How To Start and Grow a Law Practice” by Jay Foonberg. I called my Uncle Jim back:

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The Appointment, Part 1.

November 8, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-11-08 at 10.55.39 AM“Mr Mulvihill, you’re appointed”.

The sound of the judge’s voice speaking my name startled me from my stupor. I’d been sitting in the courtroom for an hour waiting for the District Attorney in my case to show up.

Until a moment ago, I had been bored. All criminal defense lawyers are familiar with the “hurry up and wait” endemic to the system, and today had been no different.

It was June 10 at 10.03am. I’d been in the courtroom since 8.59am, intermittently checking my phone while waiting to have my case called so I could get back to the office and address the approximately 372 things outstanding on my to-do list. With no secretary or staff, all my administrative work was my own, and it was piling up every second I waited for the DA.

“Yes, Your Honor?” Because I was too busy looking at LOLCAT memes, I hadn’t caught what the Judge said. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“You’re appointed in Commonwealth versus Barnaby Jones. Trial date to remain, July 20 for a three-day jury. Mr Mulvihill, you’re attached, and it’s must-be-tried”.

July 20th?

A month away?

Fuck.

I felt as if I’d swallowed a lead brick.

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