To Catch a Possum

Tuesday, 6:45am:

Wife: “Jordan… I heard a scratching sound when I was making my coffee. I think an animal is trying to get in our house! I’m scared. What if it breaks in and eats our cats??!!!”
Jordan: (puts on sweatpants and slippers. Uh, I should probably wear shoes for this. Dress shoes will have to do. Okay, sweatpants and dress shoes. I guess I need weapons or something. Gun? No. Knife… okay. Shovel… sure). “I’ll deal with it. Just go to work.”

[Walks outside]

Wife: “You look ridiculous wearing sweatpants, dress shoes, and carrying a big knife and shovel. I really should get a picture.”
Jordan: “Yeah, I’m feeling a little less than manly…”

I see the little guy has burrowed partway under my back door. He’s stuck there trying to get away from me. I could stab him but I don’t have the heart to do it. So I let the little guy chill there and went to work. When I got home, he was gone, but I’m pretty sure he was under my house now.

Not sure what to do, I decide to set a trap:

Today I wake up to this:

…now what?

8 Responses to To Catch a Possum

  1. DieTrollDie says:

    That is one ugly PA rat! πŸ™‚ See if the local humane society will take it off you hands and release it in the wild. Here is an address of a place that deals with clients like these: 161 North Clark Street, Suite 3200, Chicago, Illinois 60601, Ph 1-800-380-0840. πŸ˜‰

    DTD πŸ™‚

  2. Keith Lee says:

    Drive him to the docks, drop him off. Either that or

  3. Lookalike you’ll have to raise him as your own. Too late to enroll him in the neighborhood school?

  4. I had three possums as pets because their mom was in a motor vehicle accident while a pedestrian. Two of them ran off together after they were grown, but the runt stayed for another year and a half. He was a lot of fun and I taught him to ride on my shoulder so we could walk around the neighborhood, creeping the neighbors out. Now this was in the Dark Ages, so no one thought about rabies. Your possum was probably looking for somewhere warm to sleep – like the people on Long Island are after Hurricane Sandy. And I suspect your wife won’t be into the pet possum idea. Which is fine because possums are really meant to live wild and free.

    So why not take the Havahart trap (while wearing work gloves), take the little dude to Jim’s on South Street for a cheesesteak, and then set him free in Fairmont Park. Do not wear a suit to do this. Sweats and running shoes are fine. But make sure you tell your colleagues and clients that he was vicious and you beat the snot out of him and have a PFA against him and damages. And fill in the hole.

    Or you could call Animal Control. And, I doubt he is of school age.

  5. Reblogged this on Penelope A. Boyd, Attorney and commented:
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  6. Leonard J Krabbs says:

    In my opinion it deserves a sound and thorough felching for its trespass.

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